So, our laptop started crashing in Neenah as we were heading out of town toward Minneapolis. Today, it has returned to us after traveling back through time to June 2nd. How great would System Restore be for humans? I could go back to yesterday morning and not say a bunch of stupid stuff to Stephanie that pretty much ruined our day. It would mean I would have to resew the hole I drilled through my sock on Monday when I was cutting down my clothes box, but that's a small price to pay to have some poorly chosen words stricken from the record.This is the point where "I can't stand blogging" goes through my head because I don't really know what to post and what not to post. I guess I'll just be honest and say the last few days have been really hard on the both of us. We've been struggling with each other through nearly every decision and indecision: It ranges from how we should pack to how we should travel and what we'll do along the way to whether we should even be going at all. On our walk this morning, we admitted to each other that we're both anxious and afraid about a lot of aspects of this trip and it's coming out in the form of a power struggle over nearly everything.
This trip isn't a vacation. There isn't a set path, destination or timeframe and we really don't know what we're risking to be out here, much less what potential reward awaits us. Are we going to return with our nest egg scrambled asking "What was all that about?" Both of us have thought seriously of turning around and going "home" and both of us are wondering what the heck we'd be doing next if we did. Right now, it's hard to say what we're doing out here. We're poised to leave our last Midwest bastion of familiarity to head out into the great plains and we're arguing to the death about how many suction cups to use on the van's curtains while someone somewhere doesn't have enough to eat or a roof over her head. But we did get to see pictures of a 2000ft string cheese in Weyauwega, Wisconsin. It's surreal, confusing and frustrating at the same time.
What I do know is that we've experienced the most incredible generosity from many of our friends and people keep telling us that what we're doing is something they'd like to be doing also. So I guess we've decided to put our nest egg and sanity on the line, betting that there is something deep down in all of us that wants to have an adventure and be free. We're wagering that this feeling wouldn't exist unless we were designed for the pursuing of it and that following these instincts might be scary but somehow worthwhile. We'll see, huh?
6 comments:
Please note letter that was handed to you before you left. Please reread paragraphs 4 and 5. ;-)
Seriously... the trip and money aren't important - your relationship is - and this experience is. Remember that.
I would like to join the group of people who wish they could do what you're doing.
Please keep going! Selfishly I'd love to see you and not-so-selfishly I think the urge you're feeling is certainly meant be followed and this struggle I think (crazy-like) it probably means you're on the right track.
Here's to more discovery, adventure, and getting to know eachother.
Love, mg
Thanks for making me feel a little better knowing every morning at 8:45 that I'm going to the same old office and I don't even have to think about it. Hmm, actually the "adventure" still sounds a whole lot better.
So I know you already have your books packed, but I would recommend _Peace Like a River_ by Leif Enger as a great book to go along with this part of your adventure. The setting is a similar family journey out west with no determined destination, and spiritual journey as well. It's a great book to read out loud to each other too.
Ginger
You're honesty and vulnerability in this post is amazing.
It is ok to be arguing over everything.
It is ok to be doubting everything and as Stephanie once told me there are some doubts worth doubting.
It is ok to have no idea what you are doing.
It is ok to have no plan or destination.
It is ok to want to spend time alone and say things you regret.
Thanks for being so open.
Hang in there.
Character is built through adversity. You're character building!! Yay!
Thanks for being so transparent Tim. I remember one story you told me about your AT hike, when you rubbed your foot raw, so you were overcompensating on the other foot, which wreaked havoc on the rest of your body. You said "it was a good lesson to take care of the things that are important, before you hurt something else".
I think that is exactly what you and Steph are doing...Learning to take care of what's important. (My guess is it has nothing to do with the number of suction cups on a curtain rod!)
Y'all are SO loved by your friends BECAUSE of this adventurous spirit, your combined kindness toward the world and each other, and your focus on having higher standards then the norm. Keep trekking--Keep doing what you are doing.
Love you!
Jason Elkins
Alright I know that you guys are just getting going and working through the kinks but the key is to let go. Really put everything aside --who cares how shit is packed or where the suction cups go (and if you want my opinion about that I think there are better uses for suction cups than curtains... maybe a little lick and stick might make things fun...) The point is that you are together, sharing, seeing, feeling, and thinking in ways that are new and refreshing. So shed your shroud and be real with each other about what's important. This trip is going to change your perspective but only if you let it... I love both --Camille
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