Kids?

Before Stephanie and I were married, we cleared up the whole matter of whether we would have children or not. We agreed that we had no idea.

Our stay in Nashville is unique because it's our first stop where our hosts have children. We'll have another in Fort Mill, SC with my sister and her family, so it'll be nearly back-to-back parenting observation opportunities.

Whenever we've been together around children, Stephanie and I have privately engaged in lengthy and detailed conversations about how we'd do things if those kids were ours, doing what we agreed with and avoiding what we did not. Many of the parents out there I'm sure are saying in their heads, "It's all well and good to armchair quarterback this game, but just wait until YOU have kids." But I think this time in our lives is extremely valuable, if not immediately applicable. We've had the chance to discuss strategies and philosophies, scenarios and values without the pressure of a hurt, angry, sad, hyperactive, misbehaving child giving us the eye at the same time.

For me, I think one of the most important values I would like to instill seems to be one of the hardest to do in my own life: granting forgiveness. It seems like I can't shield myself much less another person from the forever touted message that vengeance solves problems. I see it in my own life when I can't keep from being defensive toward Stephanie, when I can't leave old hurts out of current arguments and when I feel the need to "hurt back" when I've taken a blow or two. How would I teach my child that even if it means that she might suffer due to her non-violent response to a violent act (either emotionally or physically) we believe it is still the best way to react?

I haven't seen the latest Batman movie yet, but I'm dying to and I already know how it is going to go: a bad guy will commit some atrocity against innocents and Batman will exact "justice" (i.e. revenge). At the end of the movie, my adrenaline will be pumping and still exhilarated, I'll contemplate signing up for a martial arts class. Blast ahead 10 years and on my left is my little boy smiling up at me. He's wondering when he can get his first Bat-A-Rang to kill bad guys and I'm trying to figure out how to tell him The Joker should have been stopped through nonviolent means and shown compassion.

"And by the way, son, I don't have an explanation for that fit I pitched in front of you when Stephanie ate my last gummy bear."